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Working Step Three by: Marie B.



Working Step Three

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In Step Three we take a very big, intentional leap: we “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our Higher Power as we understood our Higher Power.” Step Three is essentially about defining the true limits of my control and then staying within those boundaries.


Our CoDA Group refers to the idea of “staying in my hula hoop.” You could also say “staying on my side of the street” or “staying in my lane.” Our lives were unmanageable because we were in everyone else’s hula hoops—too exhausted and overwhelmed to occupy our own. Most importantly, we were in our Higher Power’s hula hoop—and attempting to do their work. When we do the work of our Higher Power, we only limit the outcome. When we let our Higher Power work, it will bring us things beyond our imagination!


Step Three is difficult because it requires trust. As the Codependents Anonymous book says on page 39, “Our ability to trust in healthy ways has, more than likely, been negatively affected by the codependence in our lives. We cannot expect to make this decision without some reservation and fear.” Up until now we’ve jumped into everyone else’s hula hoops because we’re trying to control the outcome. We felt betrayed by others and our Higher Power—but that was because we were in their hula hoops. Step Three was the first time that I took a chance and trusted my Higher Power.


Steps One, Two, and Three are preparatory work for Step Four. I like to think about these first three steps as laying a foundation, or building a nest—a strong, safe place. Step Four will likely be tremendously difficult. It is important to remember that when we work our steps, we’re taking a deep look into our past, and finding the patterns woven throughout. The Traditions help us to understand how to live our present. If we find our patterns by working our Steps and apply the Traditions in all of our affairs, the payoff is the Promises.


As I close this blog post, I wonder:


- How do you visualize turning something over to your Higher Power?

- How do you know that you can trust your Higher Power?

- How do you know that your Higher Power loves you unconditionally?


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