top of page

What I Love About The Fellowship of CoDA by: Netty



1. I know a new sense of belonging. The feelings of emptiness and loneliness will disappear. (The Promises, CoDA Big Book)

The first Promise of Co-Dependents Anonymous was a powerful motivator for me. When I first heard that, I took it to heart, I had nothing to lose at that point. If they were going to promise that I was going to keep coming back. I have been attending meetings, listening to shares, sharing my own story, reading literature, practicing healthy relationships, burning through spiral notebooks, and eating through pencils on my journey to sanity for a while now. I continue to struggle and am daily reminded of my codependent characteristics while also practicing the tools of healthy relationships. I will never do this stuff perfectly but being in the fellowship is a constant reminder of the support for my journey, the progress I have made and the hope for more sanity in my life. I remember where I came from, I do not want to go back. I come to hear the Steps, I come to hear the shares, I come to hear the Promises. I also come to get to know strong, beautiful, inspiring women.


The fellowship and sharing have been particularly valuable for me because I have found that feelings are far more complex and nuanced than I imagined. I really did share the Codependent trait of having difficultly identifying what I was feeling. Being sad, angry, fearful; those were easy, and I had learned them well in my youth. I also learned it was easy to blame my misery on someone else’s behavior. I was off the hook when I made it about the other person. But the pain behind those basic feelings eluded me, especially the anger and fear that would just sit with me. I had heard the phrase “if only” consistently as a child, and that my happiness was dependent on others behaving the way I needed them to, so I could be happy. I have learned a new story within the fellowship. I have learned that my happiness is my responsibility, not someone else’s. I have listened at meetings and occasionally, as I listened, it was as though a flashlight was brought into my dark cave of feelings and shone into a corner where some shocking feelings were hiding. More spiral notebooks, more pencil lead, more healing, more amends. I am amazed at times how after a meeting I will be reflecting and writing and will tap into a deep pain because of a share I heard. The fellowship, the trust, the honesty is a gift to the sharer and the listener. The gift goes both ways.


It is good to know I am not alone, it is good to know that sometimes I can hold onto someone else’s hand on my journey, let them lead me to where I might not even know I need to go. I can then connect to my Higher Power to understand, accept, grow, set boundaries, respect others, and forgive myself, all those healing steps. Yes, within the fellowship, I have found a connection to the last promise.


12. I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life. (The Promises, CoDA Big Book)

And I thank the CoDA Fellowship for supporting, encouraging, and inspiring me along my journey. I couldn’t do it alone.


In Service,

Netty

26 views2 comments

Recent Posts

See All

CoDA Weekly Reading from CODA.ORG

I Finally See Me How do I want to start? What do I want to say? What if no one reads it? What if they don't publish it? What if people read it and they hate it? Rewrite it. Start over. It's not good e

2 Comments


Yes, I have successfully sponsored in different states, there isn’t any reason to have to be in person. The person working the steps is the one “doing the work” the sponsor guides you and highlights areas to focus to keep you on your own track. Your recovery is yours, the time it takes and how serious you take it doingwildetermine if

Like

Leslie Dixon
Leslie Dixon
Feb 05, 2021

How long did you attend before you sought out a sponsor. My local Albuquerque CoDA is pretty small & somewhat disorganized, so there isn’t anyone willing to sponsor as of yet. Do you think a long distance sponsorship could work?

Like
bottom of page