In ACA, the way we heal and resolve our old traumas…is to reparent ourselves.
When we find recovery in ACA, we discover that we can reparent ourselves. We learn to see the truth about our parents in a non-judgmental way, which helps us first accept whatever good things they passed to us. Then, without anger or resentment, we firmly reject their dysfunctional ways of thinking. We are now free to chart our own course of behavioral, spiritual and emotional sobriety.
From the ‘Strengthening My Recovery: Meditations for Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families’ (p. 254). ACA WSO INC.. Kindle Edition
The more I learn about the shared characteristics of Adult Children…the more freedom I give myself to attend to my own needs. My Laundry List traits are not ‘my fault’, they are not ‘inherently broken’ aspects of me, and I’m certainly not alone in having them.
As I listen to the shares of others in ACA meetings, I am filled with compassion.
Not sympathy, not empathy….but an easy ‘seeing the strengths’ in the person I am listening to. I am filled with compassion because I really do ‘know the struggle’. I’ve been there (experienced those feelings, had similar experiences) and I can relate to those hardships.
What is extraordinarily healing for me…is that my ability to easily extend compassion to someone else who sounds like they are ‘telling my story’….unlocks my ability to easily extend my own compassion towards me. Self-compassion. Another key way to heal in through ACA….because it’s a method for growing your self-love.
After just three or four ACA meetings…I am starting to enjoy noticing and attending to my inner child.
She presents herself every morning – asking for attention, patience, and re-assurance during the morning ‘rush’. I play music for her in the morning, to ease out morning anxiety and sad feelings. I extend grace and patience toward her, when she drops things in the kitchen or makes a mess preparing breakfast and morning coffee. I forgive her quickly when she goes about morning routines ‘too loudly’ and re-assure her that ‘it’s not a big deal, just adjust and ‘try again’’. I pause – mid-household chore – to turn my sock outside in, because she hates seeing the seam when it’s on inside out. I pay attention to, rather than ignore, her requests…even though they seem like ‘small’ and ‘insignificant’ things.
On this day I will focus on using all I’ve learned in ACA to help me reparent myself. I choose spiritual and emotional sobriety.
From the ‘Strengthening My Recovery: Meditations for Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families’ (p. 254). ACA WSO INC.. Kindle Edition
My adulthood gives me the freedom to fully attend to my own needs…in ways my parents were unable to do so when I was a child. And because I claim that responsibility for myself today…I can release resentment towards my caregivers for ways in which they were unable or unwilling to care for me.
Excerpts are from the ‘Strengthening My Recovery: Meditations for Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families’ (p. 254). ACA WSO INC.. Kindle Edition